Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 17:50
Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.
It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.
But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.
I had run out of hope.
When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.
For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.
The "Tooth Hurty" Joke Has Its Origins In Ancient, Armored Fish - Defector
It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.
It’s here now, writing to you.
I was tired of trying and failing.
Where can I find BPO projects?
What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.
You are like me, then.
You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.
Scientists delve into Hells Canyon cave to solve mystery of America's deepest gorge - Live Science
Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.
In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.
It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.
Scientists have discovered 'third state' between life and death - WKRC
So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.
Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.
What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.
Chicago Bears offense has 94-yard TD drive in 2 minute drill at minicamp - Windy City Gridiron
Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.
So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”
And the sadness?
Why did the American's mulberry harbor not hold up after D-Day?
Be who you already are.
I was tired of fighting.
It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.
Scouting Drew Allar: Penn State quarterback similar to Joe Flacco - NFL.com
But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.
This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.
The sadness was still there.
Mets place Mark Vientos on 10-day IL, option Max Kranick in flurry of roster moves - SNY
It’s still here.
Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.